Mistakes & Patterns
2 min read
I Tried to Out-Gift a Broken System
How generosity became a way of misdiagnosing what caring actually looked like
Early in my management career, I tried to compensate for what the system wouldn’t fix by spending out of my own pocket. Bought dinners. Covered tickets. Gave time off under the table. I told myself it was generosity. It was actually desperation.
I could see the system was breaking people. I didn’t have the tools or the authority to change the system. So I tried to soften the edges instead.
I’ve watched others do the same thing. Well-meaning gestures that land as performative, out of touch, sometimes patronising. Covering for structural problems with personal spending.
"Teams don’t need spot bonuses from their manager’s pocket. They need someone willing to say: this system is breaking people. And then make visible why."
- Sherryl Tarnaske
Teams don’t need spot bonuses from their manager’s pocket. They need someone willing to say: this system is breaking people. And then make visible why.
The generosity wasn’t the mistake. Believing that individual heroics could compensate for systemic failure. That if I just cared enough, worked hard enough, absorbed enough of the pressure, the team would be okay.
They weren’t. And eventually, neither was I.
It took years to understand that the pattern I was trying to soften was the same one I now help organisations see. Delivery drag isn’t something you can out-work. It’s something you have to make visible.
Written by
Sherryl Tarnaske
Founder, Unflocked
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